A friend commented on my last post about “the depths of my self-discovery” which I took as an incredible compliment, but also made me examine my motives. I guess there might be a fine line between self-promoting “sharing of self” and what I am trying to accomplish with this. I am “putting myself out there” because that is something I struggle to do. It is part therapeutic exercise and part explanation. I would cringe if this came off like I was being completely focussed on myself. I am not that interesting, and am learning to not be that selfish.
So I think I will try to temper my self-examinations with some admonishment for others to join in and do the same. I deeply believe that my creativity exists in order to help or motivate (and perhaps at some point, inspire) others to be creative as well. To find their own gifts and discover who they are, and where their gifts come from. So I will attempt to bring that into this process as well, I hope!
It seems to me that on a journey of “self” discovery one needs to focus on self. Otherwise it would be a journey of “other” discovery. It also seems to me that taking risks is a huge part of self discovery. Putting yourself out there is a huge risk. It’s something I’ve been working on for the last couple of years and it’s not easy. It’s hard and it’s scary and people don’t always like what they see. I think sometimes when we get brave enough to say “here I am. This is me with all the warts and ugliness and beauty and fear and bravery and love for you to see” it makes people uncomfortable because they aren’t used to it. Especially if it’s not the persona you’ve been projecting your whole life. I’m running into that too.
Sometimes we discover something about ourselves that is so cool and so unexpected that we have to share it. When other don’t respond as enthusiastically to the discovery it’s a little disappointing and we, or should I say I, want to crawl back into that place where it’s dark and safe and hide some more instead of stepping out and living in the light. Sometimes what I discover is really, really ugly and again I want to crawl back and hide instead of letting the light burn away the ugliness.
It’s all a risk.
Thanks, Dawn!